The quote on this picture illustrates my current feelings. I feel as though I am constantly moving at 100 miles per hour and yet getting absolutely nowhere. I’ve mentioned in previous post that I work full-time outside of my home. I also have a 9 year old, a 16 month old, and am currently 20 weeks pregnant with baby number 3! Needless to say, I am slap worn out.
With everything going on in my life right now, I am always tired and seem to have very little patience. Unfortunately, I don’t always feel like I’m being the best mom right now because of this. I try not to be a “yeller”; however, I have to admit that my fuse is a tad bit shorter than normal at the moment. I find myself becoming easily frustrated whether it be at work or at home with the kids when things aren’t going exactly as I’d planned or it seems like no one is listening to a word I am saying. I also don’t tuck my 9 year old in every night like I used to. Since I’ve been pregnant, most nights I usually fall asleep putting the toddler to bed, which typically happens before my oldest son’s bedtime. And while my husband is available to tuck him in and read him his bible story, I feel frustrated with myself because that’s always been “our thing”. I’m the tucker-inner! I always get the last goodnight kiss and last minute crazy questions before bed.
While I am dealing with my current state of frustration and fatigue, I do recognize that this is just a season. It’s temporary! I may not be the mom I’d like to be in this moment, but I know that I’m not a bad mom. Like the quote says, I’m the mom that I am. The mom that I am now will change and evolve and continue to grow. Sometimes into a monster, other times into a crazy lady who just wants to wrestle on the floor with her kids and not put the toys away at the end of the night. Right now the mom that I am is exhausted, wore out and hormonal. All of those things are ok. I love my kids, I love my husband, and I am doing the best that I can for all of them and myself. Just like the seasons change, so will this season change for me. This too shall pass.